I got an epiphany!

I know this is probably the end-of-year syndrome where people tend to be more introspective. But being the thinker than I am (*ahem), I have all these random thoughts in my head after many conversations with the people around me. Of course, there will always be trash talk to discard and great perspectives to glean. I just want to put them down somewhere where people can hold me accountable for these *commitments* I am striving for this coming year. Yes, these are quasi-resolutions for the new year but I think they are imperative as beacons. So bear with me for my thoughts (or just close this webpage.. bah)...

Living overseas this year has shown me the importance of my family and friends. When things are so stark and close up to your face, they inadvertently become blurred. Yes I admit that I have taken these individuals for granted as I assumed them as a constant in my life.

Thousands of miles apart now, I truly value my parents' goodness, strength and love for me. The distance this year allows me to take a step back and see how wonderful they are. Sure they can be overly concerned of me at times, but I know the motivation behind those moments is genuine love. I just want to hug them now (awwww.....).

And I thought I would be losing my friends by leaving for a foreign land. While it is true that some became estranged (inevitably and regretfully), some friendships were strengthened despite the distance. Calling a spade a spade, there are friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for life. As I was reminded recently, people come into our lives for a reason, providing things that we can learn from, and fulfilling our social, emotional needs. So much of us is made from what we had learnt from them, so it is paramount that we have good people in our lives. And I think I have such people. These are people that I can be truly myself in front of, who hangs out with me not becos of my material possessions, and good looks (wahahah!), and will ... well ... still love me in spite of my many flaws and when I have outlived whatever the initial reason for befriending me is. I am extremely thankful for them =D 

I seek to live my best this coming year as I step into my 30s. I will try my best to break out of my shell and live out my potential. My friends would know that I am extremely driven as an individual and I do want to be successful in all I do. This is not limited to material gains of course. I had been reminded that money cannot buy you happiness. While it can buy one room to manoeuvre, unless one knows what to do with that space, it is futile. I want to realise that potential in me : that I am a unique and genuine person with much to offer - both professionally and in private. Being secured in oneself can be challenging and I know of many people who claimed to be secured but yet wear their laurels on their heads and assert themselves all the time, boasting their achievements and needing a stamp of approval all the time. That is probably the best demonstration of insecurity. They are not wrong; they just need to be treated with more kindness. I seek an inner peace and wholeness. That, to me, makes a person truly attractive (fwah!). I think age has this adverse effect of making me jaded at times. I crave for a renewed thirst for life, learning, wisdom (not smarts). And whenever I come across a bump, I want to be able to learn something, pick myself up and move on.

Finally, I want to be a good person this year, whatever that means. The old adage to be as sharp as a serpent, as gentle as a dove holds true. I think all of us has this ability to discern what being good entails. There are too many manipulative people in this world and I've always professed that while we don't have to be like that, we have to be able to identify that as a form of self-protection. It is easy to harm others for personal gains/protection/satisfaction. But it is a decision to do good. So I do want to show kindness wherever I can. I think my Mum has been a great role model in that aspect, so are some of my closest friends.

ok.. enough of the ramblings =D

I feel very blessed ...